i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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