About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
