i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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