so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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