I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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