That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
