i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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