We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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