OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
