Me too!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
