in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
