I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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