it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
