I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize