Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Randomize
