So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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