New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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