there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
