I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
