I can text with my tongue
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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