Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
