kristin has been a bad kristin
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
