woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
