forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
