I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
