He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
