weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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