ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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