im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When are your genitals available?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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