i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
