did you get engaged???
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
50% drunk capacity currently
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
