My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
