Don't you send me to vm
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
