I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize