apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Text me some of your sweat
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
