My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
