It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
worst night to have a conscience
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
