tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
