"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
