38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
