why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
