Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize