i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
