A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
