I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Randomize
