don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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