I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
