I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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