Plan B is the new Plan A
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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