How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
