I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i believe in u and ur pee
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