the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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