Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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