all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
