She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
