Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
