So drunk its hurt
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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