And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
