There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize