my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
