the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
