There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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