I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
