dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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