I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
