My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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